Those Phrases from A Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up among men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a break - going on a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."